Good Parenting Tips – "Denton Style"

It’s not uncommon for someone to ask me for parenting advice. It happens after church services, in counseling appointments, during informal gatherings, and sometimes as I walk in the door at home…”What are you going to do with your children!”

I’ve learned a couple of good answers over the years. First, other than our Heavenly Father, there is no “perfect” parent. We all make mistakes. We all blow it from time to time. We make decisions we later regret. This is an important piece of knowledge because knowing other parents struggle helps us be real and seek help. It also helps ease some of the pressure from constantly comparing yourself or your children to other families.

Second, our children are responsible for their own decisions. We definately bear responsiblity for our kids during their years as minors. But, after that, we have to let them go to make and reap the good and bad from their own decisions. Since parenting is the process of getting my kids to the point where they’re ready to be on their own, it also means I have to let them gradually make more decisions on their own in the journey toward adulthood. It’s a give-and-take struggle, but one that must occur to help our kids grow into healthy adults. (Which must happen because they cannot live with me their entire lives.)

One other conclusion I’ve reached as a result of years of helping families deal with kid/teen issues: Many parents are clueless to the total reality of what’s going on with their kids. This can be both good and bad. Kids do kid things, and it somewhat good you don’t know everything they do when they’re goofing around with friends. Trust me, in a few years you’ll hear how they dove from the roof of the house into the pool with friends. (WHAT!?) Most of us spend some manpower trying to keep an eye on our kids, what they’re doing, who their hanging out with, and so on. Study after study shows that most parents know much less than they think. Most parents think they have a good feel for the spiritual life of their children. Most think they know exactly what path their kid is on right now. Barna’s study a few years back revealed that parents were considerably wrong on their assumptions. Even good parents. Especially good parents. I’ve had too many parents tell me they didn’t believe an accusation about their child. I’ve said far too often, “I barely know your kid; but from what I observe from a distance it is completely believable.” We parents, myself included, want to think and see the best in our kids. And we should! We should be their biggest cheerleaders when the rest of the world is trying to knock them down. Unfortunately, it takes MORE work than most of us want or have time to spend. Don’t worry about smothering your children. Stay involved in every aspect of their lives. Trust me on this.

I’m reflecting on this because of our recent celebration of Father’s Day. I was reminded, once again, of the vast chasm between what I think is important versus what my kids think is important in a good parent. We have two lists on our fridge. One made by JJ for Mother’s Day, the other he made for Father’s Day. I hope it brings a grin to your face to see what he loves about his mom and dad.

TOP TEN REASONS I LOVE MY MOM
1. Because she cooks my food.
2. Because she loves me.
3. She helps me with my home work.
4. She dos my laundry.
5. She’s nice.
6. She makes my bed.
7. She buys me thing’s.
8. She cleans my house.
9. She helps me pick up my dog’s poop.
10. She cleans my room.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY DAD
1. He’s a pastor.
2. He’s fun.
3. He got us a dog.
4. He has a nintendo.
5. He has a job.
6. He plays with me.

You’ll notice I have less things to love. But, I concede that his mother is more lovable than I am, so I’m OK with it.

So, my parenting advice can be summarized like this:
Get your kids a pet, make them responsible for cleaning the poo from the back yard, then work alongside them picking it up. I think that’ll make you a good parent in their eyes. Plus, you’ll know where they are. They have someone to talk to when they’re upset at you. Someone who won’t give them bad advice, but will lick their face. And you can talk about anything when you’re picking up poop together.

AND PRAY A LOT!

The Unexamined Life and All
Jeff

Posted: June 24, 2009 
Filed under: Uncategorized
Tagged: Children, Family, Parenting
Comments: Leave a Comment