Culinary Secrets of the Denton Family

Wait, is Jeff eating a rice cake and…dog poop? It sure seems that way, but it’s all part of a culinary trick to keep people from knowing how truly unhealthy we eat.

There’s something odd about being over 40 years old and pulling a rice krispy treat out at a kid’s sporting event. “Gag me with a spoon, that old guy is eating the same thing I am.” (And, yes, old guys writing teen dialogue make them sound like a teen from 25 years ago.) Yet, this morning Deana had a solution to that dilemma. (For the krispy treat problem, not the old man writing teen dialogue issue.)

Rice Krispy treat deception

Deceptive Rice Krispy Treat "rice cakes". Yummy!

I introduce to you the new Deana Denton Unhealthy Rice Cake! This little beauty has the appearance of a nasty, styrofoam-tasting rice cake, but all the yummy goodness of a rice krispy treat. My wife almost always creates one unique shape when making a pan of krispy treats. It used to be a big ball of krispy treat that she’d pass on to our friend Dawn Ferrara. I think it was intended to make you think you were eating a piece of fruit. But, with this batch, she placed the extra portion into a cylindrical green Tupperware container she has. After the treat set up, she removed it from the cylindrical container and cut it into some smaller “patties” the size and shape of a rice cake. TaDa! Now friends and coworkers will say, “That must be how you keep your girlish figure, by denying yourself of good stuff and eating that horrible tasting rice cake.” Meanwhile, I go to my mental happy place with every marshmallowy bite.

The other item won’t create envy among those watching you eat. It’s a little more disgusting. Brownies are a regular staple at the Denton household. Everyone here loves them, except me. This means they get made a LOT! We always seem to have a pan of brownies in the kitchen. But, if you have to take your brownie to school or a work environment where other people may be prone to thief away your dessert, you simply turn it into something that looks a little less appetizing. In this case, it happens to be a dog dropping.

Brownie "pile"

The appetizing "dog log" brownie. Yep, it's a regular, edible brownie. Enjoy!

Steps to turn you deliciously tempting brownie into a not-so-appealing dog log:
Take the fresh brownie and roll it into a poop-sized looking piece. Don’t make it perfect, keep it unprofessional. The size may vary based on what size dog you may have in your home. If you have cats, you can place the finished brownie pieces into a dishpan of crushed granola (looking kitty litter-ish) and serve for your next party. If you really want to gross someone out, go for “people-size” pieces and make the brownies with nuts inside. You’ll likely be able to take the entire tray of brownies home from the next party where you have to show up with a “contribution.” (If you want to go the extra mile and “up” the gross factor…and I really hesitate to even share this…bake some corn onto the brownies before baking. This may be a little too authentic. Plus, corn doesn’t taste good in brownies.)

*Update: While writing this post, we had a kitchen mishap in which the green Tupperware(R) cylinder got too close to the stove and melted. Upon checking the Tupperware website, it appears this particular item is no longer available. Although, Deana thinks it may have been a gift item at a Tupperware party; so maybe there’s still hope. If not, we’ll have no more rice krispy ‘rice cakes’. Oh well, I really prefer those rice krispy treats made with Fruity Pebbles anyway. And you really can’t pass those off as a rice cake. Back to the drawing board.

Fruity Pebbles bowl

Fruity Pebbles is the best breakfast cereal. And good for a snack anytime.

This would be the perfect time to see if there are some Fruity Pebbles in the cabinet. All that fruity flavored goodness, mixed with gooey, sweet melted marshmallows. In fact, these would be perfect to pass off as healthy in the shape of a piece of fruit. Gotta go…back to the kitchen.

Meet you at the table.
– Jeff

Posted: March 5, 2010 
Filed under: Deana, Denton Family, Eating, Food, Humor, Jeff, Pictures
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