The Truth as You Graduate

Posted: June 5, 2015 
Filed under: Denton Family, Humor, Jeff, Life Stuff
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Now t

hat you’re graduating I’ll admit there are some things that were on the test, but that you’ll never use in real life. UselessThingsILearned
1. I have never worried about the class, family, and whatever of animal groups.
2. I’ve never figured out the mole weight (or whatever that is) outside of chemistry class.
3. The world map has changed so much since I was in school that I label countries wrong now. Where is the USSR?
4. The intelligentsia add and subtract planets like its a game of Battleship. My childhood model of our solar system makes me look like an idiot now.
5. I memorized, and was proud of knowing, the entire Dewey Decimal System. It would be a lifelong benefit. What, you’ve never heard of it? I know you can Google it. Thanks.
6. State capitals memorized. Only useful on trips when I point out the state capitals as we drive through states on vacation.
7. Most of the stuff I learned in health class has been scientifically disproven. Plus, they’ve done away with the food pyramid I had to draw at least once a year. In fact, now it feels racist to even mention a food pyramid.
8. We did learn how to write checks in school. Of course, they don’t even give out checks with checking accounts anymore. “You can request checks, Mr. Denton. We make them available for dinosaurs who refuse to pay bills online.”
9. I know Pi is 3.14. Have never used it other than to celebrate “Pi Day” on March 14th by having a piece of pie. (Ok, that sounds sort of useful.)
10. Shakespeare has never been useful, but I do still toss around quotes I had to memorize from those plays. And, I’ve always been prepared to say, “Et Tu, Brute?”, if I’m ever stabbed just for the ironic wit of the moment. I understand it will only be funny if my attacker has also read Julius Caesar. But, if so, we’ll get a great chuckle out of it as I drift off into the “great nether mist of the unknown.”

*Please feel free to add anything in the comments that you learned, but have never used.

(Posted on Facebook June 5, 2015)

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