Second, take this quiz and see what you score. Keep a tally of your points as you go along.
1. Have you ever operated the following to listen to music… Boom Box (2 points), 8-track tape player (10 points), Record player (15 points), a Hand-Crank Victrola player (50 points)
2. Do you know what TV show made the phrase, “Up your nose with a rubber hose,” popular? (If you do, 10 points)
3. Do you remember Full Service Gas Stations where an employee filled your car with gas, checked your oil and washed your windshield? (10 points. 25 points if you worked at one)
4. Have you ever owned a camera that used film – 35 mm or 110? (10 points. 25 points if you had a camera on which you had to change the flash bulb.)
5. Do you remember when kid’s programs were only on Saturdays? (10 points) (Give yourself an extra 10 points if you remember Davy and Goliath that ran on Sunday mornings.)
6. Speaking of televisions, do you remember having to get up and turn a knob to change channels? (10 points.)
7. Did you ever take your lunch to school in a metal lunchbox? (10 points. A bonus 10 points if you ever had a Lone Ranger lunchbox. It was really cool.)
8. Have you ever had to use an outhouse at someone’s house because they didn’t have an indoor bathroom? (10 points – and Port-a-Johns at a park don’t count. 50 extra points if the house without an indoor bathroom was your’s.)
9. Do you remember when cashiers had to figure and count out your change in their head? (10 points)
10. Thinking over the past 30 days, have you seen more dance club bouncers or doctors? (Give yourself 10 points for every doctor appointment in the last 30 days. Subtract 10 points for any club bouncers you’ve seen in the last month.)
11. If you had your druthers, would you rather watch MTV or RLTV? (10 points if you answered RLTV. An extra 25 points if you knew RLTV stands for Retired Living TV.)
12. Have you ever used the word “druthers“? (10 points if you have. 50 bonus points if you associate “druthers” with Lil’ Abner.)
13. Which is more like the breakfast you had this morning, (a) Poptart, bowl of Lucky Charms cereal, and a can of Dr. Pepper, or (b) a bowl of fiber cereal and cup of Ovaltine or Tang. (10 points for B)
14. Have you ever said, “Well, let me tell you what the doctor said about my prostate…”? (50 points)
15. Does the “oldies” radio station play music from your teenage years? (50 points)
BONUS: Did you have to put on glasses to read this post? (100 points. Plus, 100 bonus points for each pair of “reader” glasses you have scattered around your home or office.)
0-50 Points: Young Whippersnapper. Shouldn’t you be in school somewhere right now? You were probably wearing a pair of skinny jeans and buying songs on iTunes while you took this quiz.
51-100 Points: A Punk. Sure, you’re growing up, but you still need a lot of experience before you qualify for a senior discount.
100-250 Points: Slowing Down. You’re not tired from partying, it’s a midlife crisis you’re experiencing. You need to admit you’re not a kid anymore and start looking at nursing home options.
251+ Points: Old Timer. You’re not getting old. There’s no getting somewhere you’ve already arrived. In fact, I PROBABLY NEED TO TYPE LOUDER SO YOU CAN HEAR ME!
Now, let me share some good news with you. The U.S. Census Bureau projects there will be 6.7 million people in Texas over 60 years old by the time I celebrate my 60th birthday. This means there are will be lots of older people on whom I can blame the strange odor.
Don’t despair if you’ve just realized you’re getting older. You’re not alone. I SAID YOU’RE…oh, forget it.
*Special Note: Happy Birthday to me…and to my mother-in-law, Sandy, who seems to be younger than I am.